things are becoming clear to me.

..and to CONTINUE my ranting against amanda and her "goals" (pfft.. if you wanna call them that)- question for amanda- how would YOU like to only be supported to depend on social security and go MINDLESSLY to a "rehabilitation institute" (pfft.. if you wanna call them that) because your family doesn't give a damn about you and they just figure they'll appear "caring" because that's what your grandma had you doing (ONLY because she was aware that she was naive and didn't know the resources to help you move SUCCESSFULLY and SAFELY to a place where you can be TRULY happy and show your true capability without people trying to minimize your abilities for their own insecure reasons)? how would YOU like to throw away your entire school accomplishments (sports included) JUST because your family/support doesn't want you to do better than them because it'd make them appear insignificant and inadequate? this is MY life and my grandma put her confidence in you to help me get where I want. NOT WHAT'S MORE CONVENIENT FOR YOU AND MY MOM (who honestly used to claim that she didn't care if i wanted to move to new york because it's MY life.. stop acting concerned for ATTENTION- you weren't concerned all those nights you left me alone at your apartment while you went to the bar to play pool back when i depended solely on a wheelchair to get around). my mom only does things for her own benefit and if it makes her appear victimized. when you grow the fuck up.. maybe i'll answer the phone when and if you even call me. i'm not sure what the hell amanda assumed i was before my accident that i'd be so content and satisfied merely depending on social security. i had several new york colleges put on my list to send my act results to and i actually got a few letters from those colleges asking me if i was still interested in going to them about 15 years ago. so my intelligence (or lackof- according to amanda) obviously must've got the attention of new york's colleges. can you say the same thing? point is.. i KNOW you wouldn't be okay just throwing away ALL your goals because of a mistake you made that almost killed you JUST to satisfy people who only show care for you for ATTENTION and when it's convenient to them. guess this might be where empathy ACTUALLY comes in hand. so you can RECOGNIZE and UNDERSTAND exactly what i'm going through partially because of the lack of care and support from my supposed "support" system. when you asses are gone- i'll be left here with NOTHING because you guys refused to support me to help me hold my head on my shoulders so i wouldn't need the assistance from anyone to live successfully independently. from gathering these thoughts.. i'm convinced my grandma was just trying to make it appear she actually cared about me to everyone BUT ME. thanks amanda. you're obviously on the same boat- which is rowing down the selfish river.